The Pecan Pie Parable

After the civil war, a Kentucky family started the custom of having a yearly family reunion of it’s members in order to establish and maintain the closeness and unity that had existed prior to the war. The family members were located over several states and had been divided for several years over issues relating to the war. The older members of the family were determined to make sure that the family remain unified with the love that had once characterized it and called all the family to put aside their differences and allow their families to be part of this reunion.

The family started meeting together again in the beautiful hills and hollows of Kentucky. They met for several days in the summer months and spent time healing wounds of division and making sure everyone felt at home and welcome. It was unusual because so many families during this time remained divided and separated by their own biter differences.

The reunions continued for many years, each one contributing to the feeling of family that had once existed. The reunions were typical of that time with games and contests and most of all the cooking and eating of the favorite foods of the time. Each family brought whatever they had to share with the others of the group. Everyone shared in the cooking and cleanup. Corn on the cob, green beans, black eyed peas, okra and fresh tomatoes were typical of the many garden crops that found their way onto the dinning table. Peaches were in abundance durning the summer months and everyone enjoyed a slice of water melon during the warm evenings that typified the event. Some brought fried chicken, others smoked hams from their farms and still others caught large quantities of fish from the local rivers for their annual “fish fry” night. No one went away hungry from the family reunion.

Of note, of course, was their favorite desert. Fixed every year by the matriarch of the group was a wonderful pecan pie. She always made plenty of pies which lasted the whole reunion and it was her gift to the family and she was always singled out for her effort. Over the years, the family began to count on her for bringing the desert and the pecan pie became the traditional desert, served with hot coffee and plenty of iced tea. And so it was for many, many, years. Even after she no longer was able to bring the pies, her recipe was used to make the pies and every year someone volunteered to bring the pecan pies for the next family reunion. The making and consuming of those pies became the highlight of the reunion.

The reunion, started by the family in those Kentucky hills, lasted for generations. The family continued to grow and spread but the reunion each summer was well attended and enjoyed by those family members who took the time to come. The pecan pie remained the traditional fare of the family’s gatherings and it’s consumption was the centerpiece of after dinner conversation.

Then, one year, one of the family members coming to reunion decided that they wanted to bring another desert to go with the pecan pie since they really didn’t care for the traditional desert. They were happy that others liked the pecan pie but they wanted the members of the family to have a choice. So, they brought a chocolate pie with meringue topping which was their family’s favorite. On seeing the “new” desert, several of the families members were overjoyed. They, too, had wanted to see another desert brought to reunion but had been too intimidated to bring one. They were glad to finally see another choice as they thought the pecan pie tradition was somewhat outdated. Of course, many of the family members were shocked that anyone would bring another desert since the pecan pie was traditionally the desert that had been served for as long as anyone could remember. It was just wasn’t right to add another desert. After all, the pecan pie WAS what the family reunion was all about.

And so, a great debate began, over pie. One side wanting to keep the traditional desert that had defined the family reunions for so long and the other side wanting to add new desserts that would fill their own desires. Some, wanting to maintain the sense of family unity that had been maintained for years, advocated letting everyone have a choice. But, of course, the side wanting only the traditional pecan pie could not agree to this. After all, the pecan pie tradition was not to be negotiated away to those wanting to change the tradition. It was too important to change. So, the mediators suggested that there could be two suppers held, one with the traditional pecan pie, and the other with the new chocolate pie with meringue topping. That way, everybody could come to reunion and the family unity could be maintained by simply having two suppers. Although the solution sounded good to some, it sounded bad to others.

Then, out of his wheelchair, one of the oldest members of the family stood up. He was in poor health and hadn’t spoken much in years. His family was surprised that he now took center stage in the great pie debate. His voice was frail and raspy. The family quickly quieted to hear his reply. “I remember coming to this family reunion when I was a small boy. My grandparents were the ones who started the reunion after the civil war as a way to keep the family together after many years of division. It was their wish for the family to understand how important unity is and they would be the first to tell you that today if they were here. They created and maintained the reunion as a time to meet together to encourage that unity. My grandmother’s pecan pie was just her gift to this effort. It was never intended to be the reason we gather or the focus of our meeting. The pie is not what’s important about our meeting. Our reunions must always be about maintaining the love and unity that my grandparents sought.” And with that, the old man was seated to his slumping position in his wheelchair.

There could be several possible endings to this parable. Consider the following:

Following the lead of those who wanted to keep the pecan pie as the only possible desert, the majority of the families decided that only pecan pie would be served and no one could bring any other dessert. Those wanting to bring other deserts could have their own reunion somewhere else. And so, the group was divided.

Following the lead of those who wanted new deserts introduced at the reunion, the majority of families decided that other deserts could be introduced. Those who objected to the addition of other deserts could leave to form their own reunion. And so, the group was divided.

Following the lead of the mediators, the majority of the families decided that they would continue to meet as one family but would create one supper for those wanting the pecan pie and one for those inclined to eat other deserts. Although seemingly a compromise to keep the family together, the group was divided.

Following the call of the old man, the group decided to forego their desire for dessert since they realized that it was the dividing issue in the family. They understood the purpose of the reunion, as explained by the old man, was one of love and unity and that only by sacrificing their own desires the family could remain committed to the original purpose of their ancestors. What was so important about pie that it would be cause for division. And so, the family was unified.